A Third Wheel
Moments in a journey of faith


There was an awkward silence, a pregnant pause. We each looked at each other, unsure of what would be said next. The waitress would soon arrive with our meal and I couldn’t wait. We were eating with my good friend Steve, we being the woman who would become my wife and I.

We were dating long distance. She drove down from Des Moines, Iowa to see me most weekends. I lived in Wichita, Kansas and worked for a design firm downtown. We didn’t get to spend a lot of time together since my wife left her work at 5:00 to travel the six hours down I-35 to Wichita. She we retrace the journey each Sunday afternoon.

I had met Steve one Wednesday night at the young singles class I attended. Steve just walked off the street. He really new nothing about Jesus and had just felt compelled to come. He was a recent graduate of Friends University. We spent our time in my small studio apartment playing Sega Genesis and talking about faith.

It was hard because Steve needed a friend. He didn’t really have anyone. He needed believers who could come along side him and give him support. When my soon to be wife came to town we often included Steve in our activities.

But he had this way of getting me in trouble. He had this way of saying things that put me in the dog house, which led to pregnant pauses and awkward moments. But isn’t that what third wheels do? They don’t call them that because they add to the occasion. They don’t receive that name because they make things smoother. They get that name because they cause trouble and difficulty. They are tagged with that name because they confuse directions.

My Third Wheel Moment

I mention that to say that I have also felt the uncertainty of the third wheel. I gave me life to Christ in the summer of 1991. I returned to Oklahoma City for my last year of college with a lot of explaining to do. You see all my friends, coworkers and roommates new me as the life of the party, someone you could always count on to hit the bar or make a trip to a club.

I remember trying to remain the same when it came to spending time with my friends. I mean I had spent the past several years with them. I had been through a lot and we were close. I remember going to bars with them, to games, watching sports on TV, but it just wasn’t the same.

I will never forget that awkward moment, that pregnant pause, the one that told me no matter how much I like these guys, no matter how much we have experienced together, things have changed. We were sitting around my friend’s apartment. We were watching sports and my two friends looked at each other and the pause came.

It took me some time to figure out the awkwardness but eventually I did. You see the three of us use to smoke pot together. We would sit around watching TV, getting high. They looked at each other and back again and you could see that something was going on. You know how it works when you are the third wheel. Conversations take place in code. After some time and tension I decided I needed to go. I remember looking back as my friend made a beeline towards his room and the stash.

They were going in a different direction and third wheels always hinder the journey. I have tried to keep in touch with them over the years but it hasn’t been easy. My closest friend and I lost touch after we both moved. When we talked what did we discuss? For all my good intentions, my desire to be salt and light, the reality was I became a third wheel. Did I stop wanting to hang around them? No, the reality is they stopped wanting to hang around me. Third wheels get that you know.